Life can be like a sailing boat, an empty vessel,
Drifting aimlessly in a wide open space,
No port on the horizon to focus on,
No imprints to show where it's been,
An insignificant speck,
An insignificant speck,
Afloat, in this continuous expanse,
All general meaning lost,
Adrift on the abundant vastness of nothingness.
Then, the ray of hope and salvation,
Shines through the night sky,
Responding to the signal of distress,
A new day dawns,
Illuminating a pathway out of the darkness,
Into the light of a new tomorrow.
Then, the ray of hope and salvation,
Shines through the night sky,
Responding to the signal of distress,
A new day dawns,
Illuminating a pathway out of the darkness,
Into the light of a new tomorrow.
Great job! =D
ReplyDeleteJust a suggestion: in the fourth line, perhaps it will be more effective if you use "it's" instead of "you've". It would, I think, sound more consistent with the rest of poem. Other than that, I think it's an excellent piece!
Great poem, I'm sure many can identify with it. I like the imagery here aswell! :D
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback. A little out of my comfort zone here! Not a rhyme in sight!
ReplyDeleteHaving read through it again, I agree with you entirely cbcondez and have put your recommendation in place. Thanks for the constructive comment.